Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
