just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
