Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
