Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
