i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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