I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
