he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
