I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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