O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
