bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
