Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
