i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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