HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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