I want to make a zoo with you.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
