booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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