My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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