U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
