i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
