We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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