The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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