I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
