My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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