your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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