so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
