i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I am available for nakedness
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize