He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
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