Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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