I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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