he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I need to align my fucking chakras
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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