i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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