Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
