Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
