I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
