he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
