I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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