Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
