Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
