what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
