you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
