there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
