If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
