Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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