my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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