If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
