i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
