hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
All the doctor said was why
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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