If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
