I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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