Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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