Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
