look no pants
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
