i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
its liver damage thursday
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
