I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize
