the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Help me help you realize you are a moron
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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