I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Randomize
