I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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