You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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