my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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