the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
you inspire me to be a worse person
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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