The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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