she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
