did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Randomize
