end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
birth control should be required to get into college
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
