Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
