WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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