Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
