nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I'm really into asian looking animals
I'm drive I can fine osifer
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
