Welp...herpes.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
