Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize