During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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