three words: i give head
three words: not that well
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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