I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
