i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
